Saturday, April 21, 2012

Perspective and Possibilites

This is something that is always hard for me to do, keep perspective when I'm looking at all the things I want to do.

Recently I've been having trouble staying motivated to do anything, but with the help of some carefully crafted spells that lethargic period is rapidly falling behind me.  I took my first Martial Arts class last nite and will be taking my second one today!

I sometimes feel that because there is so little time in the day, I will never get everything done that I want to do.  Then I remember how long the day can be when I'm lying in bed recovering from a drinking binge; that's when I realize how much I can do in any given day.

Partially because of my depression, I have a bad habit if I do a few things on my to-do list of thinking I can just take the rest of the day and veg out watching TV or reading.   Now don't get me wrong, vegging out sometimes is a great idea, everybody should do it regularly!   I just need to remind myself that if I've done 3 or 4 things on my list by noon, there is still a lot of time in the day to do more things. 

If I can keep myself motivated like that, I can accomplish so much more than I think I can.  The only thing holding me back is me!!

This applied when I was drinking.  I knew I was the only thing standing between me and sobriety, but I had taken the easy solution and just accepted that I was a drunk and all the consequences that went with that.  Thank the Goddess those days are behind me!

Its funny though how I still have the mindset that holds me back.  When I look at all the things I want to learn about, I sometimes feel so hopeless-I'll never be good at all that stuff.  But when I can get my mind in the right place then I know that I can learn about all of those things.  Which, if any, of them I become good at is just a matter of which ones I have an affinity for and which ones hold my interest.  ( I've noticed I'm generally not very good at things that don't interest me).

Well that's all for today.  With my new-found dedication to making the most of the day I must  leave now for my second martial arts lesson!! Then lots of apartment cleaning, rune studying and tarot readings!!

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Anniversaries, Sobiety, & Spells

I have never been a big fan of celebrating my sobriety anniversary.  For a lot of years it was an excuse to drink-“Well, I’ve been sober this long I deserve one”!!

So, I’ve just been keeping my anniversary date in the back of my mind and if it crossed my consciousness I would look at where I was before I got sober and where I am now.   That, for me, is a lot more motivating than just having x amount of time sober.

This year, however, my anniversary seems to have set off some serious depression in me.  I just have had no motivation for the last couple of weeks.  I have made it to my full time job and that’s about it-no blogging, no working the psychic line, no much of anything else.

I guess, looking at it, there are probably several reasons for this.  My oldest cat Silva, is old (18 years) and probably not going to be around much longer, its been 8 years since my father passed (the date of his passing is very close to my anniversary), its been about 7 years since I had any contact with my family (my doing, not theirs), and I, again, am not that fond of celebrating my anniversary anyway.

Naturally, the longer I feel this way the harder it is to dig my way out of it.  I’m behind on blogs, behind on money, had to postpone starting my Mixed Martial Arts class because I couldn’t motivate myself to go, and we won’t even mention the amount of cleaning that needs doing. LOL

Scarily enough, as I see these things get more behind, and realize it’s only my own lack of motivation that is causing this, I feel eerily like I did when I drank. Like my life is totally out of control and that even though I know what I need to do to fix it, I find myself incapable of doing that, of just doing what needs to be done.

This is one of those times when I cast a spell to help with my sobriety.  I know from sad experience that spells alone will not keep me sober, but I also know from happy experience that they can help me through the rough spots.

I did a spell to banish my lethargy and depression last week, and since then I have put in some hours on the psychic line, done quite a bit of cleaning (still a lot to go-sadness), and now I’m back to blogging.

I personally find spells and magick to be one of the most important tools I can use to help me stay sober.  For me personally, talking to someone about anything like this feels like I’m whining and then I just feel worse about myself.  Many times talking to someone helps me feel better, but when it comes to my depression, talking about it just makes me feel worse.

So, when necessary, I’ll use a little magick to banish the blues and keep me going in the right direction. And that's all I'm really trying for right now; is to keep going, no matter how slowly, in the right direction.