Saturday, June 16, 2012

H is for Humor-Pagan Blog Project

What a wonderful place the world could be if we would all just take ourselves a little less seriously. Many people are so rigid in their beliefs of what is right and wrong and how things should go that they don’t take the time to truly know and enjoy deity.

I know some witches, even solitaries, who are so uptight over spellcasting and ritual, than it doesn’t seem they even enjoy getting ready for the rituals.

Personally, I have found that most of the energies I work with appreciate a sense of humor; they seem to be okay with it if you are not constantly bowing and scraping every time you so much as think of them.

Some of my most effective rituals have had a lot of things go wrong: candles falling over, cats jumping onto the altar, the toilet starting to run even though no one was near it (yes, the element of water was making its presence known), forgetting the words, items that I remembered placing on the altar suddenly not being there.

After the first couple of times, I learned that stressing about these things accomplished nothing other than ruining ritual for me and leaving me feeling very unsettled and empty, instead of the joy that I usually found in ritual. Eventually I realized that these little mishaps were the deities’ way of telling me to lighten up.

The deities know that we are not perfect, and we never will be. They are okay with that, they made us that way!! As long as we do our best, and truly honor them in our hearts and minds, they don’t mind if we laugh at what goes wrong, or what just seems ridiculous.

Let’s not forget, there is a lot of energy in laughter, so why not use that energy in our workings?? Ritual should be serious, but never too serious. It really is funny when the cat jumps on the altar and offers the mouse he just caught to Deity by dropping it in the juice I was planning to drink!

Blessed Be!

Friday, June 15, 2012

F for Fictional Characters-Pagan Blog Project

Fictional characters are something that I believe many people underestimate. These characters pack a lot of punch and not just in the fictional worlds that they inhabit.

Who can deny the power behind the idea of any given superhero? The idea of someone standing up for what’s right, for the powerless, for truth, justice and the American way? Or the power behind that epitome of evil-the wicked witch? Be she from a fairy tale or The Wizard Of Oz, the idea of the wicked witch scares people the world over, just as the idea of superheroes gives them something to cheer.

Just think for a moment of all the energy that has been invested into these characters: the creation of them, the stories, the character development, and of course, the reaction of the fans. There is a ton of energy invested into many fictional characters. The box office grosses of the recent spate of superhero movies gives you some of idea of the energy they create.

With this kind of energy invested in them it is no wonder that many witches use fictional characters in some spells. Of course, one must be careful which characters one works with, just as with gods and goddesses. There is also the matter of greatly differing energies: the character of an alien bartender who appeared in one scene in one 'Star Wars' movie will have a lot less energy behind it than, say, Han Solo. 

I call upon fictional characters when I have a particular mundane need. Personally, I don’t use these characters in what I think of as more ‘serious’ magickal workings. I would never call on a fictional character for an esbat, sabbat, moon ritual, or any magickal working that will take time to manifest.  I don't even really use them in spells, per se; I channel their energy to get me through certain tasks.

If I need to clean my apartment, (not my favorite thing), and just can’t get motivated, I’ll call on the energy of Piper Halliwell from ‘Charmed’. Let’s face it, that girl likes to clean!!

Likewise, if I have to spend time being sociable when all I really want to do is go home and curl up with a bowl of popcorn and the TV or a good book I will channel the energy of the persona of Marilyn Monroe. The character of Marilyn was very distinct and most definitely not the true nature of the woman who personified her. This specific energy, with a couple of tweaks of my own energy, (mainly toning down the blatant sexuality) can get me through any social situation.

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, gets me through my workouts no matter how tired I am.

Dating myself badly now, and admitting a guilty pleasure, if I need to truly "doll myself up" there is always Alexis Carrington from 'Dynasty'.  Not an energy I would want to hold on to, but definitely great for the self-pampering, self-glamourizing needed for a special night out.  

I find that calling on these, and the energies of other fictional characters when appropriate, gives me very real and amazingly positive results. These energies can get me started, keep me motivated, adjust my attitude, whatever the situation calls for.

And now, as always (it seems), my apartment needs cleaning. “Piper! A little help please!!”

Monday, May 14, 2012

Dealing With Loss

Last Saturday, May 5, I had to put my little Silva cat to sleep.  I had written in a previous blog about Silva not doing well and coming back when I did some energy work on her.  That, sadly, did not happen this time; she was ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge.

I believe on some level I knew this was coming; I think that knowledge had a lot to do with my depression and total lack of motivation for the previous month.  Also, the last couple of days I just knew it was my last time grooming her and that I should take more pictures because I didn't have long left with her.

Then, last Saturday morning, she just went downhill very quickly, could hardly stand and wouldn't even let me hold her for long.  I knew it was time to make the call to the vet.

Honestly, this is the first time in my 4+ years of sobriety that I really considered drinking.  I mean, I've had passing thoughts of it, but never anything where I really had it planned out.  And this time, I really had it planned out.

I was going to have Silva put down, go home, work as a tarot reader at a fundraiser I had promised to do, go to work the overnight shift at my full-time job, then spend Sunday drunk.  I could have picked up a bottle in between the fundraiser and work and been in oblivion all day Sunday.

For a couple of hours that actually seemed like a really good solution.  You would think that with four years of sobriety I'd know better, and eventually I did, but not for a while. 

Then again, that is the way that I dealt with pain for many years, so its only logical that it would appear as an option to me.

What stopped me from actually drinking?? It wasn't any deep-seated belief that I can never drink again.  I have never given myself that limitation.  Drinking is always an option for me in my mind,  mainly because I have my father's mindset, that if you tell me I can't do something, well, you can be damn sure I'll find a way to do it.   It's the consequences of having that drink that I'm not willing to accept; and that, together with how far I've come since I got sober, is what worked to keep me from drinking.

I know that I was the absolute best mama I could have been to Silva, and no kitty has ever been more loved than she was with me.  I also know that that would never have been possible if I'd been drinking.   Although I always did my best for my animals and they were never abused, I reached a point in my drinking that I couldn't take care of myself or them properly.

As much as I will miss and mourn Silva, she deserves a better memorial than me being a drunk-and useless to myself, Googles-my other cat, and anyone or anything else.  It honestly feels like it would be an insult to Silva, to let her loss stop me from improving myself and being the best person I can be. 

So, I will mourn Silva for as long as it takes, but I will also move on and remember her with love and joy.

Blessed Be!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Grief and Grieving-Pagan Blog Project

Any powerful emotion can be used to help motivate us.   These emotions can help us to take our lives and/or attitudes in new directions, to give us purpose or motivation, even to strengthen out spells.

Grief is undeniably one of the strongest of emotions there is.  Its potential to cause great harm or great good is almost unlimited. 

We can wallow in grief and use it negatively: indulging in drugs or self-pity, anger, and lashing out at others. 

Or we can use it to motivate ourselves to become better people or to change something that needs changing.

I am finding grief to be very effective in breaking through emotional blocks to contacting and working with my ancestors.  Like most people, I'm not real fond of everyone in my family, and some of them I really didn't want to spend a lot of time with when they were alive, so obviously, I haven't wanted to contact them now that they're not with us anymore.

But part of grief, at least for me, is regret and wondering what I could have done better.  In wondering that, I wonder if those who have passed over have regrets and wish they had done things differently while they were on this plane. 

For me, this has broken down some barriers I've had about contacting certain family members who have passed over.  I'm going to be taking a class in mediumship to help me learn to contact those on the other side better.

Right now I can feel the presence of some family members at times, though only those that I always felt close to; but I have a hard time communicating with them. I can pick up feelings that they are sending me, such as love and sympathy, but I can't seem to receive messages from them.  And as for initiating contact on my own, forget it! I definitely need help learning how to do these things.

So, my grief at the passing of my little cat, Silva, and the love and sympathy I have felt around me from family members (human ones) I have already lost will hopefully lead me to real communication with those on the other side, both animal and human. 

Blessed Be! . 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Perspective and Possibilites

This is something that is always hard for me to do, keep perspective when I'm looking at all the things I want to do.

Recently I've been having trouble staying motivated to do anything, but with the help of some carefully crafted spells that lethargic period is rapidly falling behind me.  I took my first Martial Arts class last nite and will be taking my second one today!

I sometimes feel that because there is so little time in the day, I will never get everything done that I want to do.  Then I remember how long the day can be when I'm lying in bed recovering from a drinking binge; that's when I realize how much I can do in any given day.

Partially because of my depression, I have a bad habit if I do a few things on my to-do list of thinking I can just take the rest of the day and veg out watching TV or reading.   Now don't get me wrong, vegging out sometimes is a great idea, everybody should do it regularly!   I just need to remind myself that if I've done 3 or 4 things on my list by noon, there is still a lot of time in the day to do more things. 

If I can keep myself motivated like that, I can accomplish so much more than I think I can.  The only thing holding me back is me!!

This applied when I was drinking.  I knew I was the only thing standing between me and sobriety, but I had taken the easy solution and just accepted that I was a drunk and all the consequences that went with that.  Thank the Goddess those days are behind me!

Its funny though how I still have the mindset that holds me back.  When I look at all the things I want to learn about, I sometimes feel so hopeless-I'll never be good at all that stuff.  But when I can get my mind in the right place then I know that I can learn about all of those things.  Which, if any, of them I become good at is just a matter of which ones I have an affinity for and which ones hold my interest.  ( I've noticed I'm generally not very good at things that don't interest me).

Well that's all for today.  With my new-found dedication to making the most of the day I must  leave now for my second martial arts lesson!! Then lots of apartment cleaning, rune studying and tarot readings!!

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Anniversaries, Sobiety, & Spells

I have never been a big fan of celebrating my sobriety anniversary.  For a lot of years it was an excuse to drink-“Well, I’ve been sober this long I deserve one”!!

So, I’ve just been keeping my anniversary date in the back of my mind and if it crossed my consciousness I would look at where I was before I got sober and where I am now.   That, for me, is a lot more motivating than just having x amount of time sober.

This year, however, my anniversary seems to have set off some serious depression in me.  I just have had no motivation for the last couple of weeks.  I have made it to my full time job and that’s about it-no blogging, no working the psychic line, no much of anything else.

I guess, looking at it, there are probably several reasons for this.  My oldest cat Silva, is old (18 years) and probably not going to be around much longer, its been 8 years since my father passed (the date of his passing is very close to my anniversary), its been about 7 years since I had any contact with my family (my doing, not theirs), and I, again, am not that fond of celebrating my anniversary anyway.

Naturally, the longer I feel this way the harder it is to dig my way out of it.  I’m behind on blogs, behind on money, had to postpone starting my Mixed Martial Arts class because I couldn’t motivate myself to go, and we won’t even mention the amount of cleaning that needs doing. LOL

Scarily enough, as I see these things get more behind, and realize it’s only my own lack of motivation that is causing this, I feel eerily like I did when I drank. Like my life is totally out of control and that even though I know what I need to do to fix it, I find myself incapable of doing that, of just doing what needs to be done.

This is one of those times when I cast a spell to help with my sobriety.  I know from sad experience that spells alone will not keep me sober, but I also know from happy experience that they can help me through the rough spots.

I did a spell to banish my lethargy and depression last week, and since then I have put in some hours on the psychic line, done quite a bit of cleaning (still a lot to go-sadness), and now I’m back to blogging.

I personally find spells and magick to be one of the most important tools I can use to help me stay sober.  For me personally, talking to someone about anything like this feels like I’m whining and then I just feel worse about myself.  Many times talking to someone helps me feel better, but when it comes to my depression, talking about it just makes me feel worse.

So, when necessary, I’ll use a little magick to banish the blues and keep me going in the right direction. And that's all I'm really trying for right now; is to keep going, no matter how slowly, in the right direction.

Friday, March 30, 2012


Lately, I have been finding flexibility, especially in my attitude, to be invaluable in my sobriety.

It really doesn't do any good to be too firm in my goals or expectations.  I've found that just being open to what comes my way and accepting it gives me far more peace of mind than if I truly plan on something happening and am disappointed when it doesn't work out.

Over the past couple of weeks I had looked into the idea of starting a local Pagan Support Group.  I really didn't hear from very many people that were interested but I decided to have a first meeting just to see who might show up anyway.  One person said they couldn't make it due to illness and no one else showed up.

At one time, I would have taken this very personally and felt hurt for weeks.  Last Friday, I was strangely relieved.  I have my full-time job, I'm still building my psychic business, I would like to move by the end of the summer, I'm taking 3 correspondence courses and I return to school at the end of May.  Somehow,  I knew that the lack of interest was just the Goddess' way of letting me know I have enough on my plate right now.

She was not done with me yet though.  Apparently, she felt another lesson in flexibility was required.  I have been looking forward to returning to school full time over the summer.  I was planning on taking mainly online classes and pulling 14 credit hours.  This is not meant to be!!LOL

My apartment building has a very high turnover and several of the newer tenants fight often, and vocally, and in the common areas so everyone hears them.  Now, lately they've been fighting more frequently!! Mornings, afternoons, evenings, even later at nite!  Frequently!! I do sleep afternoons and frequently their arguing will wake me up.  Have I mentioned they fight frequently?!!

So on Thursday, after being awoken yet again, I decided it was time to change my priorities.  I am still returning to school in the summer, but instead of taking 5 on line classes, I'm taking 2.  I have rearranged my fall schedule to include more online classes and less class time, also taking one less class so that I can free up some school money to use to relocate sooner.

Not so very long ago, having to change things like this would have made me feel like a failure.  I would have very much felt like I should have just been able to work even more hours and come up with the extra money to move sooner while maintaining the class load I had wanted to take.  Even a year ago, I would have tried to do it all, instead of just adjusting my priorities.

Last year, I still felt like I had to do everything and do it now.   Fortunately, as my sober time increases my perspective keeps changing.  Everything doesn't have to be done right now.  I'll still be back in school for the summer, going part time is fine.  Its the fact that I'm going, not how many credit hours I take that is important.  If I decide to cut my fall hours to part time to accommodate other interests,  that'll be okay too.

I just have to be open to what comes my way and know that everything will work out as its meant to.  The Goddesses and Gods are there to help and support me, both on the journey I would like to take, and on the one that I am meant to take!!

Blessed Be!

Monday, March 26, 2012


This is something I struggle with daily.  There are so many things about myself that I would like to work on, become better at, learn about, whatever and just not enough hours in the day. Worse yet, there is no spell to add hours to the day!!

I am always trying to do the mundane things: exercise more, eat better, clean my apartment daily, meditate daily, daily ritual.  The problem is time.  I work a very nearly full-time job, I'm still working on building up my tarot readings, I don't drive so that's an extra 3.5 hours on every shift I work in the office instead of at home plus extra time for errands, I go back to school full-time the end of the summer, and I have to make a special effort to spend time with people outside of work because I am great at isolating myself.

I've always been a loner, even as a child I was very happy shut up in my room reading rather than being outside playing with friends.  Now this probably has a lot to do with the fact that my depression most likely dates back to childhood but preferring to be alone has always been a big part of me.

So, I make an effort to reach out every day and spend at least some time with people that I'm  not dealing with as part of work.  Many days its just spending the time before my shift starts at work chatting with coworkers instead of reading or just walking outside to avoid being with people.  Some days it means forcing myself to leave my apartment, even if I just go to the store and pick up a newspaper or bottle of soda.

I actually do like the people I choose to spend time with, that's why I chose them, but it is frequently still an effort to not just hide away when I'm not working.  Making this effort every day, and spending time with other people has gotten easier for me over the months and years I've been doing it. 

I have been feeling very drained lately and I know that it is because I have been neglecting myself in other matters.  So, beginning today I start working on some of my other self-improvement goals.

Daily meditation, daily exercise, eating better and remembering to take my vitamins are all on the top of the list.  I'm hoping if I make these things a priority instead of a when I think of it, if I have time at that moment, kind of priority then I will have not just more energy but will feel better about myself.

I know when I force myself out of the house, frequently kicking and screaming mentally, I always feel better for it; so I'm hoping these things work the same way.  And ok, I'm also hoping the daily exercise part means I can wear skimpy tops all summer without any possibility of a gut or even a muffin-top.

We'll see what happens!

Blessed Be!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Support Groups

I've been doing a lot of thinking about support groups lately.  I had been tossing around the idea of starting a local pagan support group and now have the extra time in my schedule to do that. 

I know  a lot of pagans really aren't comfortable at AA with their focus on a "higher power" that really fits the Judeo-Christian idea of a higher power.  I am one of those people who just couldn't seem to fit in with the AA people at the meetings I tried.  I just didn't feel like my beliefs were accepted and valued as were the more mainstream beliefs.

I also tried Save Our Sobriety where I felt much more comfortable.  This is a sober support group for atheists and agnostics basically.  They try to do sober without any reference to a higher power.  I was more comfortable here than at AA, I didn't feel like an outsider at the SOS meetings, but I did want someplace where it was acceptable to talk about my faith and its role in my sobriety.

So what I am hoping to do, is start up a Pagan Support Group that is a combination of the best of both of these programs.  Since so many people who suffer from substance abuse issues also have some type of mental or emotional imbalance I want those who feel that is their primary issue to feel welcome.  There are also many who have suffered from abuse, I want them to feel welcome also.

I'm hoping to establish a group that is there to support people trying to get better, regardless of their tradition or even whether or not they actively practice.  I really would like a group that will help us to help ourselves without judging or preaching at each other; one that is not a meat market, one that people don't use just as a place to come dump how unhappy they are even though they're not really trying to change.  I know, a certain amount of that is bound to happen, but hopefully very little.

Our first meeting is tonite, just so I can see how many people are interested and what type of group everyone else is looking for.  Goddess willing, we'll all be able to help each other and give each other strength.

Blessed Be!

That would be the ideal.  Now if we can just start a group like that

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

2012 Pagan Reading Challenge

As usual, I am behind in my posts.  This post I am way behind in.  I signed up for the Pagan Reading Challenge at the end of January and am just now doing my post about this challenge.  I'm sorry, I've been reading a lot and that thing called life keeps getting in the way.

So, here is my Pagan Reading Challenge post.  I am going for the Goddess leve which is 41+ books.  I don't really see that as being too much of a problem for me, because I do read voraciously.  I've actually already read many of the books on the list, I will bold the books as I read them.  Of course as the year progresses, I will be adding books to the list. 

So, here is my list of books to read for the 2012 Pagan Reading Challenge:

By Charlaine Harris
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as A Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
From Dead to Worse
Dead and Gone
Dead in The Family
Dead Reckoning
Must Love Hellhounds (Anthology)
Home Improvement Undead Edition (Anthology)

Druidry and Meditation by Nimue Brown
The Mythic Path by David Feinstien PH.D & Stanley Krippner, Ph.D
The Sevenfold Journey by Anodea Judith and Selene Vega
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
Diary of A Witch by Sybil Leek
Norse Magic D.J. Conway
Celtic Magic D.J. Conway

I love that as I read most of the nonfiction books something in each one seems to pique my interest and leads to new books that I am hoping I can find to add to the list. 

Reading Diary of a Witch has actually sparked an interest in the history and life of Alaister Crowley so I will be adding a biography of him to my list shortly, along with books on fairies, runes and astrology.   We'll see what other interests pop up during the year.

Blessed Be!

Monday, March 19, 2012


I don't really have a lot weighing on my mind this week, some say that's good with such a little mind LOL, but one thing I've noticed is that my pets never fail to cheer me up.  Even when they're driving me crazy.

They love me always, and even though they are cats they come when I call them (though this seems to be my special gift, all my cats have always come when I called them), and they greet me at the door when I get home.  It doesn't matter if I just went to the store for soda, or if I've been gone all night for work.  They are both waiting at the door for me when I get home to say hi.

When I am tired, or stressed, or in pain, they always seem to know the right thing to do.  Silva is my snuggler, she will just come curl up next to me or on my chest, she always seems to know which one I need most.  And Googles, Googles is my healer.  I swear, whenever I'm in pain he is trying to lay his paws on me.  If I have a headache, he puts his paws on my head, when its my back, he will wait til I roll onto my side or stomach and rest his paws right where the pain is. 

Sometimes, especially with the headaches, the little Googles touch can make the pain go away.  Even when it doesn't just knowing that he is trying always makes me feel better.

The great thing about pets is they love you no matter what.  If I'm cranky and push them away they just come back in a few minutes, still full of love, never mad, never holding a grudge.

And they have been priceless to me in some of my down times when the idea of buying a bottle has seemed pretty appealing.   They just know I'm in a bad place and curl up next to me purring.   Googles even stops picking on his much older and much smaller sister when I'm that down and will even just curl up next to her.  Silva lets him do this without hissing, but  only at those times that they know I need double kitty understanding.

So today, my little friends get a shout out and their due credit for helping me stay sober and for helping to keep me as sane as possible. You can't blame them for my insanity-they're only 2 little cats, though they try!lol

Blessed Be!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

F for Fate-Pagan Blog Project

I think this has always been one of the big issues in any belief system.  What is meant  to be and what do we have free choice over?

I remember as a child, attending Catholic religious education classes, being asked what God did and saying that He ruled and controlled all the activities in the world.  I was very young, 7 or 8, and my teacher told me that was wrong, that we have free will.  This teacher could not explain, however, if we have free will, then why does everything follow God's plan?  Looking back, it was probably when I really began to question my early childhood faith.

Since then, I've wondered about this question often.  I know there are some things in life that simply are and that do not change.  I was born an alcoholic and I will always be one.  I was also born short, always gonna be that too!!  Therefore, I have to believe some things are fated in life and it is our response to those things that we determine.

For example, John Walsh was fated to lose his son Adam.  He lost him to an abduction and murder and he became an anti-crime crusader.  Had he lost the child to a drunk driver, it may have been him behind the anti-drunk driving movement founded by Candy Lightner.  Likewise, Ms Lightner was fated to lose her child, Cari.  Had she lost the child in another way, she would have become an advocate for that cause.  The examples are endless, especially when it is parents motivated by the loss of a child.

Please understand everything in this blog is MY belief only.  I am by no means saying that anyone deserves to lose a child, I am merely saying that sometimes things are meant to be, through no fault of our own.

What we have control over is how we respond to these things.  In both of these, and in countless other examples, the parents rose above their grief and tried to better the world.   Others retreat into grief, while still others find a way to carry on with their daily lives and that is enough.  Sometimes, the examples set by someone, no matter how good or bad, can influence someone else greatly.

A person suffering from severe depression, thinking of suicide,  who gets treatment after watching a parent go on after losing a child.  A niece or nephew who watches a relative fall apart in grief and never recover, who goes on to become a psychiatrist and help others deal with their emotional issues.

Of course, fate plays out on a large scale too.  Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust, September 11th, I firmly believe all these events and so many others, were meant to happen.  Again, it is the response to these events that we have control over and that we should attempt to influence to their best possible outcome.

Pearl Harbor led the U.S. to join WW2 and help defeat the Axis nations, overall  a good thing.  The Holocaust led to Israel becoming a country, a good thing,  but it has not led to the end of genocide. 

As Pagans we have a much better understanding of the interconnectedness of the world than most people do.  We understand how all things work together, often in unseen ways and that disturbing or destroying any one thing influences us all.

My belief is that we should not tilt at the windmills of fate, but there is nothing that says we can't find a way around them.  We can't stop someone from getting sick, and we may not always be able to heal them.  But we can most certainly make their illness less debilitating, diminish their pain, and give them moments of comfort, sometimes even joy.

That to me is where being Pagan meets Fate: I can't beat Fate but I can do a nice end run and make things at least a little better than they would have been without me.

Friday, March 16, 2012


One thing I've gotten very good at in sobriety is rolling with the punches.  Very frequently, life does not go my way.  That's okay, it doesn't have to, and I really, really get that now!

Life not going my way was never really an excuse for me to drink.  I may have occasionally paid it lip service but most of the time I was honest enough about my drinking to know that it was because I'm a drunk and for no other reason that I drank.  I wanted to not exist, and if I drank enough I blacked out and/or passed out which was as close as I could get to not existing.

I have since realized though, that even though I knew it wasn't all about me when I was drinking, I didn't really get it.  I would say I understood, but inside, I was upset.  I knew in my head that when things didn't go my way, that was because sometimes things  happened or changed, but in my heart, it was because I didn't deserve things to go well.

If a doctor ran late for an appointment, though in my head I knew he probably was held up by an emergency with another patient, in my heart, it was because NOTHING ever went right for poor, poor little me.  If I couldn't find something I was looking for at the store, or if they had sold out, sure enough, it was because NOTHING ever went right for poor, poor little me.  You get the idea.

Now, I really did know in my head that none of it was about me, but in my heart, it was all poor, pitiful me, who nothing ever went right for.

These days, I am very happy to say that I am pretty much over that.  Now when someone is running late, when I can't find the color yarn I want at the store, when my relief is late for work, I just accept that sometimes these things happen.  And I'm not just accepting it in my head,  I am totally accepting it in my heart too.  It doesn't even cross my mind these days that its happening to poor, poor me.

Now don't get me wrong, I may still get flashes of irritation with some things, especially if it is a recurring issue.  But even then I try to understand the flip side.  If someone is always late relieving me at work, I'm not as upset if I know they are just always late and its not only when I work.

 One friend is always willing to help me out with rides but constantly changes things after committing.   I have come to accept that this is simply the way this person is, and I am grateful for the help that they can give me.
I have learned to always have back up plans with this person, so that if we can't run all the errands I had planned on, I can at least get the most necessary things done.

I realize that everyone has commitments and opportunities that come up and sometimes we all change plans to accommodate these things.  It is truly refreshing though to realize that even when things don't go my way, I'm still NO'T poor, poor little me.  I am a strong woman and a recovering alcoholic and I can handle a few bumps in the road of my life with scarcely a blink!

Blessed Be!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Staying in the Moment

Oh, is this ever something I have trouble with.  I am so forward-focused, future-oriented, whatever term you want to use, that I really have to make an effort to live in the now.  Ok, I may never live in the now, but I try to at least visit it several times a day.

Part of this is just who I am, and I gladly accept that.  But I also know that part of this comes from my disease.  As an alcoholic I drank to escape from my depression and my everyday reality.  Focusing exclusively on the future, or the past, is another way of doing the same thing. 

The trick, as always, is keeping things in balance.  Its perfectly acceptable, and even fun sometimes, to reminisce about the past.  Listening to the oldies station on the radio, having your favorite songs from when you were growing up on your MP3 player, having a movie or TV marathon of your favorite shows and movies is great. 

So is planning for the future.   Financial planning, estate planning, budgeting, these are all forward or future focused activities that are perfectly acceptable, even desirable.  In fact, I've returned to college and am always planning ahead to make sure I can afford my classes and for scheduling my classes so that I can work, run my business, practice my craft, sleep, maintain my health and still do well in school.    Okay, maybe with all that on my plate focusing on the future makes more sense. LOL

The problem is staying that focused on the future, or the past for that matter, deprives us of the present.  And that, really, is all we can be sure of having.  We can never be sure of what the future holds, we can never truly go back to the past, but we always have the here and now.

I've worked hard to get sober and to get where I am in life.  I'm not really where I want to be yet, but I'm getting there.  I just need to remember to enjoy the journey and not just focus on the destination.  And to enjoy where I am; its a pretty good place all on its own.  But compare it to where I was 4 years ago, and its a phenomenal place.

I spend time every day playing with and snuggling with my cats.  Nothing will bring me into the present and keep me here like having a little bundle of fur make me his/her whole world.  All they ask for is food, clean litter, and love.  In return, they love me no matter my mood-Silva even lies with me while I balance my chakras and balances her own at the same time.

I also make a point of enjoying the trees and plants I see every day.  I don't drive, so I walk a lot, and that does make it safer to truly focus on the trees and plants growing all over, even in the city.  While I'm walking, I try very hard to enjoy the weather.  I live in upstate NY so it can be a struggle to enjoy the 20 degree days with high winds, or the mile plus walk to work with the wind blowing snow or rain in my face.  But those are the times I truly am focused on the now, even if it is sometimes with a grumbling in my soul.

I've found that the more I focus on the little things, even if only for a moment or two during the day, the calmer and happier I am, and the more I enjoy my life as it is now.  I take my pleasures where I can: a favorite TV show, a beautiful sunset, a few minutes with the cats, I just make sure to take a few of these moments every day.

I know enjoying what I have now, even as I plan for what I want in the future, is one of the keys to staying sober and enjoying that hard-won sobriety.

Blessed Be!

Friday, March 9, 2012


One thing I have found in my sobriety is that I change, and therefore what helps me to stay sober changes.

When I first got sober, and I know this is very common for people in recovery, especially early recovery, I tried to work all the time.  Now admittedly, part of this is for the money, but most of it is because work keeps you busy both physically and mentally. 

You have less time to think and less time to do things that can lead you back into your addiction. 

Of course, the downside of this is that many of us are just substituting one addiction for another.  I know that has been something I've done in the past. 

This time being sober though, its different.  I at first worked a lot, both for the money and to stay busy, but I started to find that just working wasn';t cutting it for me this time.

I really needed to have other things going on: taking classes, spending more time working on my spirituality, hanging out with friends ( I am really a loner at heart so making time for people is always a challenge for me), just other things besides work and sleep.

One of my big interests has always been TV and movies so my one indulgence for myself was satellite TV with the everything package. 

Now that I have almost 4 years sober, I have found I am more interested in doing other things.  I just cut my satellite package to a basic programming with 2 add-ons HBO and Encore movies.   I have also given up some of my work hours.  That was as much of a health issue as a personal issue.

Fortunately I can afford to cut my work hours because as I've developed a closer relationship with my guides, they have pointed me toward doing psychic readings.  I do these through .  I know I've been led to do these readings more to help people than to make money, but the extra money has given me at least a little financial freedom.

Though I do make decent money, I have found that when I am more focused on helping people than on bringing in money, the money takes care of itself.  Thank-you Goddess!!

I know that I was led to this path not only to help others but to help myself.  The extra money is paying for me to return to school, is going to be paying for me to move, probably this summer, to someplace large enough that I can do more crafting and cooking, something very difficult to do in my kitchen with no counter space, and I mean NO counter space.

I know that it is doing these things, the readings, the crafts, the classes both mundane and magickal, that are helping me to stay sober now.  Actually, more than those things its my spiritual connection and having time to really develop that connection, that is helping me to stay sober now. 

So in my nearly 4 years sober, I have changed from staying sober because I was living  in a very supportive environment, a halfway house, to because I worked all the time, to now, because my spirituality is leading me in other directions. 

It should be interesting to see what happens next.  Though I do know that next up, now that my work hours are officially reduced, is working on starting a Pagan Sobriety Group.    I will be posting more on that as I know more.

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

E for Elements-Pagan Blog Project

For my E post I was intending to write about the elements and how they are manifested in our bodies  and spirits, but I had an unexpected energy working that involved the elements, so this post has evolved to focus on just the elements of Fire and Air, with some Spirit, and the energy working.

I have been reading "Druidry and Meditation" by Nimue Brown.  I received a copy from the publisher with the agreement that I publish a review of the book, that'll be tomorrow's post.  One of the sections that really caught my attention was focused on working with the elements as they are manifested in our bodies.

Obviously Earth is our physical bodies, our skin, bones, minerals, tissues, etc.  Water is our blood, our fluids, most of our physical being in fact.  Fire is basically all the chemical reactions in our bodies, digestion, healing, all of the processes that keep us going.  Air is our thoughts, our feelings and just as vital to our existence as any of the other elements.  Spirit of course ties it all together in a not so neat kind of bow.  Please keep in  mind, these are my interpretations of how the elements apply to our bodies, although my interpretation was influenced by "Druidry and Meditation" these are my beliefs only.

Today I am focusing on Fire and Air because this is where my unexpected energy working came in. I have a 17+ year old cat, Silva.  I love her with all my heart.  She came to me approximately 2 1/2 years ago from a very nice couple that could no longer keep her.  At the age of 15, her very first night with me, she caught a mouse.  She then spent the rest of the night tossing the mouse up in the air and catching it, while she was standing on my bed.  I am sure she did this just to hear me go "Eek" and watch me pull the covers over my head.  This cat had some Spirit for an old lady!

That was 2+ years ago and Silva is getting older and beginning to have some health issues.   Last week she just totally withdrew, not eating or drinking that I could tell.  She also did not come to lay with me when I was in bed.  Silva, lately, has been the cling-on kitty.  She is on my lap when I'm on the computer or doing tarot readings.  I wake up from naps and she is laying right on top of me or snuggled right next to me, so her just laying in front of the radiator was very disheartening.  It was even worse when she wouldn't come to me when I called her.  Yes, she's a cat, but she has always come to me when I called her.  That's just a gift I seem to have with my cats.

This started on Thursday and was no better when I got home from work on Friday.  So, I bit the bullet and did a ritual asking Bast to let her pass painlessly and quickly if it was her time and if it wasn't to give me a sign that she needed to see the vet, or to just bring her back to herself.  I then picked up Silva, and laid down with her, so that if she were to pass, she would go knowing that she was surrounded by my love. (Bawling like a baby the whole time, of course.)

As I laid there petting her my left arm began going numb.  There was no reason for this, no uncomfortable position or pressure or anything.  Then I noticed that my arm felt like it was shutting down almost.  And then Silva began looking at me with her full, bright eyes instead of her little half-closed eyes.  Then she began to stretch out as if she were trying to get comfortable. This went on for about half an hour where I could feel the Fire and energy from my arm just pass through my body and into Silva's.  This whole time I could feel Silva have little tremors and see her eyes become brighter and i watched her stretch and rearrange herself into her usual comfy position laying across my neck.  (Comfy for one of us anyway, but I was too happy to care!)   I so clearly felt Bast working with my energy, and using my Air and my focus to make Silva well for at least a little while longer.

Today, Silva is back to her normal self, she eats and drinks and clings to her Mommy!! I know this won't last forever but I am very grateful that the Goddess chose to show me such a clear manifestation of the elements in my body and what they can do, and to give us this extra time together.

I am actually working a daily focusing on my body and its elements into my mediation so that I can keep these channels open and strong.   Goddess only knows what I may be able to manifest next!

Blessed Be!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Daily Struggles

Lately, I seem to be struggling a lot.  Not necessarily to stay sober, drinking hasn't really been on the front burner as an option, but just in getting through some days.

I have found myself more often lately reverting back to what I consider my drinking mindset.  You know the one, where every time something doesn't go your way, or someone says something remotely negative to you, its because the whole world is wrong and just trying to annoy you!!

Fortunately, I still have plenty of self-awareness and I know that I am being totally unreasonable when I have these thoughts..  Doesn't stop me from having them, but it at least keeps me from acting on them.  Though I did frequently give in to the urge to just stare mindlessly at the TV or to read some total fluff novels instead of cooking, crafting, cleaning, meditating, grounding, talking to someone,  you know, all those productive things that would have helped me feel better also.   And would have helped me feel better a lot longer than just losing myself in a story.  (On the plus side I got several books read for the Pagan Reading Challenge!)

And not acting on these thoughts is probably most of the reason why there were no posts last week.  Instead of doing something to get rid of the negativity ( I know bad, bad pagan~ no grounding, no meditating) I just kept stuffing it, and ended up with a migraine for most of the week.  I barely made it to my full-time job.  Doing anything beyond that and laying in bed all week, I was just in too much pain for.

By Friday, I was brought back to reality in that it SO is not all about me.  I have a 17+ year old cat, Silva.   She is my love and has been having some old age health issues.  I really thought I was losing her at the end of last week and that grief was apparently cathartic.  My concern, love and grief for her not only purged my migraine but also my mindset.  

Beginning this weekend, I have found myself much more energized and focused, without that restless feeling, that nonstop irritability, and sense of impending doom that was making my days so hard to get through.  I started cooking some of the food I had put in the freezer because it was too much trouble to cook.  Cooking has always been very relaxing for me, it is probably my favorite way to ground myself.

Now, in the spirit of what has worked so far in keeping me sober, last week is last week.  This is a whole new week and a whole new opportunity to do better.  I will spend more time with friends, even if only by phone or Facebook, I will meditate and ground at least daily,  I will do what I have to do (cleaning my apartment) and what I love to do (more cooking and crafting).  Basically I will live my life with more balance, at least until the next time.

By the way, Silva is doing much better and is actually the focus of my very late E post for the Pagan Blog Project. That will post tomorrow.

Blessed Be!


Sunday, February 26, 2012

D is for Dreaming Pagan Blog Project

I admit, I am one of those witches who always forgets to write in my dream journal while the dreams are fresh in my mind.  I get so caught up in what I'm doing that I forget to note it all down until later.  But, I'm trying to get better.

I actually lately have been attempting some real work with dreams lately.  I've been trying, with various degrees of success, to find solutions to problems, to foster a stronger connection with my spirit guides, to contact some deeply missed family members from beyond the veil, and to do some dream banishing work.

The problem solving seems to be working.  I try to fall asleep while imagining perfect solutions to whatever problem I'm working on at the time.  The next day, I never remember dreaming about the problem but a workable solution usually comes to me.  So, either I solved the problem in my dream and my subconscious remembered or my guides give me a solution during the day.  Either way, I'm given a workable solution to almost any problem within a day or two.

The stronger connection with my guides, also working, though not the way I would like.  Gee, how is it that my spirit guides are not doing things my way?? LOL  My connection with them is steadily growing stronger but I still don't have any real knowledge of them and of the kind of energy they represent.  I'm receiving their messages more and more clearly, but I would love to just know more about them.  Oh, well, I"m sure that will happen when they feel I am ready.

Contacting family members, I haven't had any success yet.  I still know that they are near me, I still feel them, I just can't yet communicate with them.  Again, I am sure that I will be able to when it is meant to happen.

The dream banishing work, now that I've been impressed with.  I've only been trying to banish small things about myself that I know I need to change.  One example is I have a bad habit of setting the alarm so I get up in time to do some housework before going to work.  The alarm goes off and I get up and reset it for the last possible minute.

What I did for several days (I work mainly overnites and sleep afternoons) was I went to sleep and as I was going under I imagined myself jumping up at the alarm and actually doing my housework, paperwork, whatever I wanted to get done that evening.  Within the first 2 days, I found myself, getting up,resetting the alarm, laying back down and being overwhelmed with restlessness.  I wasn't able to go back to sleep, I had to get up.

Since I was up, I just went ahead and did the chores I wanted to get done.  Within a week, there is no longer any real desire to reset the alarm most of the time.   Sometimes I do still feel an overwhelming need to but those are usually days I am very exhausted, so I just go back to bed and get the extra sleep.  My job schedule is mainly overnites but on weekends, I work in the afternoon one day and early evening one day so I get very little if any sleep those days.  Usually it is Monday or Tuesday when I find myself truly needing the extra sleep, so it all makes sense.

Currently, I'm hoping to use dreamwork to motivate myself to exercise regularly.  I would love to get into a daily routine of weights, Pilates, Yoga, and Tai Chi.  Doing a varied combination of these each day is my goal and this weeks dreamwork project.

I'm hoping if I continue to achieve success with small things in my dreamwork for myself, that I will eventually be able to use it to expand my spiritual growth in ways I haven't thought of yet.

Blessed Be!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Taking Care of Our Health

Monday I wrote about how we need to have time for ourselves, today I want to write about taking care of ourselves.

When you spend years abusing substances, you do a lot of damage to your body.  I gave myself chronic pancreatitis.  Now, I haven't had an attack since I became sober, but I still have major stomach issues.  Every time my sleep schedule is thrown off, which is a weekly event with my job schedule, I will be sick to my stomach for at least 2-3 days.

Because I've always had a stomach that acted out when I was stressed my normal instinct is to just ignore this.  But, I'm older now, and I have all the damage done by the years of drinking.  Ignoring what ails me is not really an option anymore.  I have tried ignoring it, it does not go away. The 2-3 days becomes all week and ends up with me in bed unless I am on regular meds from my doctor.

I also need to see him regularly for other issues, at 47 I already have osteoporosis, something I probably wouldn't have yet if it hadn't been for the drinking.  There is also a heavy family history of heart trouble, now all of my heart tests and stress tests come back A+, but the family history is there, and my years of drinking are there, so that also has to be monitored regularly.

On a day to day basis I generally feel pretty good, even on my bad tummy days; I'm used to my stomach rebelling regularly so unless its really bad, I just motor my through my stomach upsets.  I want to enjoy my life now that I'm sober and I actually live it.

The only way to make sure I have enough life left to enjoy is to see the doctor regularly, something against my nature.  Of course, I try to look at it this way, for a lot of years it was against my nature to stay sober.  Going against my nature is not always such a bad idea, obviously!

I know a lot of people in recovery run for the doctor for every little ache and pain; that will probably be the subject of another post.  But a lot of people are like me-we just don't want to go to the doctor until we are dying.  Even in my drinking days, with an attack of pancreatitis I would never go for help until it was so bad that I would need to be hospitalized for several days.  Since I didn't have any insurance, you can imagine how sick I must have been to be admitted for that long.

Today, I can't afford to do that.  I have a lot of things I want to do, a lot of time to make up for.  I can never get back the years that I lost to drinking, but if I take the time today to take care of myself physically then I will have a lot more years to enjoy and to do what I want.

Ignoring my health today is just another way of opening the door for my addiction to come back.  If I don't feel well, if my mental defenses are down because I'm physically not at my best, then its easier for my thinking to become clouded and my judgment to lapse.

This is something I will not allow to happen, so I go to the doctor every 3 months, I take my daily tummy pill, my baby aspirin, all my other medically necessary pills.  And whenever I think about what a pain it is to remember to take them,and to time them with meals and erratic sleeping schedules and everything else then I just think of all the things I want to do, and I know that the pills and the doctor visits are a necessary evil.

As I learn more about natural healing and holistic methods I will hopefully come to rely on my doctor for less pills and just visit him to keep tabs on my conditions.  But I am still very new to learning about those methods-I'll keep you posted!

Blessed Be!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

B is for Body-Pagan Blog Project

I know I still have an A blog to catch up on, but I was inspired to skip ahead and do the B blog first.  

I know many witches, occasionally including myself, tend to minimize how important our bodies themselves are in spell casting, in worship, in everything.   We tend to put taking care of ourselves on the back burner to jobs, relationships, kids, Facebook, YouTube, you name it- we put ourselves on hold to deal with it.

Truly, our bodies are not just our temple, but all that we need to honor our deities and guides, to cast spells,  in fact, to do almost anything. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in making sure we are using the right herbs and colors, and having the right planetary correspondences, and that our ritual is planned just right and ncludes everything, that we forget-we're witches and the power is WITHIN us.

Lets be honest, we can use the best of everything, with the best of correspondences and timing but if our body is out of whack at the time, so will our spell work be out of whack.

I have cast my most powerful circles using just my hands, no athame, no candles, no anything extra, just ME!  I have also had some of my best results from spells that I cast when I was alone with me and nothing else.

Now I am certainly not saying that using any and all tools available to us is not a good idea.  Absolutely use correspondences, but first, make sure your body is strong and healthy.  When we take care of ourselves physically-exercise, eating right, enough sleep, then not only are we physically stronger, but we become mentally and emotionally stronger.

And lets be honest, that is where the real strength of our spells lie, within us.  Using correspondences can strengthen what we have, sometimes incredibly so, but if we are starting from a weak base (body or mind) we can never really cast a strong spell.

This also applies when trying to communicate with our deities and guides just not as much.  A weakened body will make it harder for us to connect with them, but when our deities and guides want to connect with us, they will make that connection as strong as it needs to be regardless of our current connection.

But wouldn't it be nice to know that we were doing our share to make that communication happen clearly and easily?   To be in good health so we can communicate better and more fully with our deities and guides? 

This is why taking care of our bodies should be our first priority, not only because it will make us feel better, but because it is one of the most basic ways to honor and show respect for the Divine and all that represents. \

Blessed Be!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

D for Divination-Pagan Blog Project

Since I currently work as a psychic, and am trying to build my business this seemed like a no-brainer, which is actually why I didn't write the post sooner.  I don't usually like to do things the easy way, I'd rather write about something I'm learning more about-dream magick for example.  (Yes, that will be the next D post)

However, then I realized that I actually am learning more divination and becoming much stronger at it as time goes on.  This shouldn't surprise me, it happened several years ago, when I was also working as a psychic. 

This time around though I'm learning more divination methods than just tarot, what I've always used.  I have found myself becoming much more clairsentient as my guides just let me know things during  a reading.  The spreads are now much more of a gateway for me, than they are something that I actually interpret card by card.

I've also started working with a pendulum and am having incredible results.  I much prefer using the pendulum when I am trying to use divination for myself because I've noticed the cards usually show what I want the outcome to be instead of what the outcome actually will be.    This doesn't happen with the pendulum.  I've received incredibly accurate results with my pendulum,and can't wait to work more with the energies and guides that are connected with it.

I am also beginning to work with runes and to study astrology.  I am hoping that the runes as I become more familiar with them will provide a gateway to different energies and guides that I can work with.

The best part of becoming more familiar with my guides through divination is that it has made it so much easier for me to recognize when my guides are telling me something all throughout my life, not just when I'm working.  As a recovering alcoholic I always have to be at least a little cautious about which instincts I listen to.  

Working so much with divination has made it much easier for me to know when its my guides pointing me in a certain direction, and when its my disease. This is definitely a good thing, not just for maintaining my sobriety but also for my own spiritual development. 

I am really looking forward to having my relationship with my guides and my abilities grow.  I know that with my inner strength and the support of my guides, and my force of will, there is no limit to what I will be able to do in time.  I've already remade myself and conquered my addiction, that's proof  right there that anything is possible!!

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Inspired By The Woods

I just want to let everyone know abut a weekend in May that I'm really looking forward to.  It's called "Inspired By The Woods" A Holistic Weekend, and it is a fundraiser held by Pure Path Products and Services .  The proceeds are going toward their dream of opening a Holistic Healing Center for survivors of abuse and trauma in both Rochester, NY and Comstock, FL.  The weekend is from 10am Friday May 11th until 2pm Sunday May 13th.

This is basically a back-to-nature weekend with classes being held in Ancient Chinese Medicine, Belly Dancing, Yoga, Meditation, Kick Boxing, Art, and seminars will be held on Addictive Behavior and Trauma.  Many of these classes are being held more than once, so that you don't have to miss anything you want to participate in.  Of course, you don't have to do anything except relax, enjoy nature and enjoy yourself.

Children are welcome and there will be children's activities including hiking, rock painting and art while the classes and seminars are being held for adults. There will also be vendors selling various products and services including readings and healings. You are welcome to come for the whole weekend or any part of it.  There is still space for vendors, if you are interested please let us know.

The cost for the weekend is $160/adult $80/children under 13 for the entire weekend.  There is a 10% discount if you sign up before February 28th.   Partial rates are Friday $55, Saturday $70 and Sunday $40.  The weekend accommodations are in cabins, there are 3 family cabins, 2 male and 2 female cabins, and 1 couples cabin.  You do need to bring your own bedding.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are provided.   We are asking  that those able and willing bring some food to help defray the costs of dinner. Recommendations are pasta, rice, bread, gluten free items, and vegetables.

I am unfortunately not tech savvy enough to have been able to include the registration form on this blog.  I apologize, I just can't figure out how to do it.  The link to Pure Path, the event's sponsors is,  you can also find this event on Facebook as Inspired By The Woods or join Pure Path on Facebook.   For a registration form you can also email Kenneth Cuyler, President of Pure Path, at

If you have any other questions and don't find answers on the web or Facebook sites please email me at  or leave me a message here.   I, or someone from Pure Path,  will get back to you within 48 hours with an answer.

Blessed Be!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Time For Ourselves

This is something that so many people overlook and people in recovery may be even more likely to put this on the back burner because they are so busy trying to make up for all the time we've lost!

It is however, absolutely essential to not just our physical, mental, and emotional well-being, but also to our sobriety.  Many times those of us in recovery have a hard time with this because our "me time" used to be getting drunk or high.

There are just so many ways to have some "me time": soak in a hot bath with bubbles or bath oils, sleep late, play with your pets or children, watch your guilty pleasures on TV, whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't involve using!!
I know I frequently get so caught up in trying to do everything: work a full-time job, build my psychic business, write this blog, keep my apartment relatively clean and spend time with my deities and practicing my faith that I tend to put myself off til last.
Goddess usually reminds me when I've been doing too much of this, because she'll knock me right onto my pagan butt.  I have always had stomach issues when I've been stressed, these were of course exacerbated by 20+ years of drinking into full-blown pancreatitis; so, when Goddess wants me to chill, she usually makes it impossible for me to do anything else!!!

I have to say that when I do take my down time, especially before it is pushed onto me, I am much stronger personally.  I am better able to handle any curve balls that life throws at me,  I don't overreact if someone asks me to do something differently, I accept constructive criticism in the spirit in which it was intended, I even do my daily workouts with pleasure.

But one of the best benefits for me, personally, of down time, is that I know that when my batteries are recharged and I am feeling stronger in all ways, I am much less likely to get sucked into the thinking that makes me consider drinking.  I don't get angry as quickly and I definitely have more patience. 

As my full-time job involves dealing with the general public having more patience is a very good thing.  And, of course, a good mental attitude is essential to long-term sobriety.  Some people can maintain their sobriety while being miserable but for the vast majority of us, we want to enjoy life while we're sober and we can do that better if we just take time to enjoy time with ourselves./

Blessed Be!

Friday, February 17, 2012


Intolerance is usually a much bigger problem with those that are new to sobriety.  As we get time under our belts we begin to understand more and more that very little of the world is about us and to live and let live.

I  have heard so many times that alcohol should be outlawed because of the damage it does to people.  What so many people new to sobriety forget when they express this sentiment is that we are the minority!
Most people CAN handle their liquor, WE can't.  Just because we have a problem with something doesn't give us the right to say no one should be able to use that substance.

This same sentiment carries into staying sober for many people.  I hear so many people new to sobriety put down others who do things differently.  "S/He'll never stay sober if s/he doesn't go to church, believe in God, leave his/her still drinking partner" and any of a million other things. 

The problem with this thinking, is that sobriety is an individual road, we all have our own path, as in life.  No one of us can speak for what will and what will not work for anyone except ourselves.  Even the generally accepted norms have their exceptions.  Most people in recovery will tell you that they couldn't be around booze all the time, but there are some people with many years of sobriety who tend bar for a living. 

Likewise, most people believe in a higher spiritual  power and rely on the support of that power to stay sober.  But, there are many atheists that stay sober, they simply use something not spiritual as a higher power. 

The beautiful thing about sobriety is that it is everyone's individual road, and that is something we must ALWAYS remember.  What works to keep you sober will not work to keep me sober and vice versa.

This can be, however, a two-edged sword.  Its very easy to look at one of the exceptions to the rule, for example, the sober person tending bar and say "I can do that."   Unless you are one of the very few, no, you really can't.

One thing I have found to be more and more true as I gain time in my sobriety is that those with the most time let others work their own program without criticism, without interference and with love. 

And remember that what is working today will change as time goes on.  In a few weeks, months, years you may have a hard time believing that certain things ever worked for you because you have reached a point where those same things would now be a hindrance rather than a help.

That's okay, its where your road took you and is taking you still.  Just remember that's YOUR road.  My road and everyone else's may be similar to yours at times, or never, or may be the opposite of yours at times.  All we need expect  from each other is support and a helping hand when it is asked for.

All that any of us can do to help ourselves and to help others in sobriety is to share what works for us, to hear what does and doesn't work for others and to take from all of that anything that will help us in our journey down the road to sobriety

Blessed Be!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Alchemy-Pagan Blog Project

Since I joined the Pagan Blog Project midway through letter B I am trying to do the posts that I have missed as time permits.  So, today, I will post my first A blog-Alchemy.   I am hoping to be all caught up by the end of February.

Alchemy is defined by in part as "any magical power or process of transmuting a common substance, usually of little value, into a substance of great value."

Being a little liberal with that definition, (I'm a little liberal with most things actually),  I think of alchemy as the changing of mundane things into useful, beautiful, and/or valuable objects.

Personally, I practice alchemy all the time with my crafting.  My crocheting turns yarn into afghans, stuffed animals, tote bags, even clothing such as scarves and sweaters.  I also do candle-making which turns large chunks of wax into beautiful, sometimes even decorative candles.

And then there is cooking, most especially baking,   Plain flour, sugar, eggs, shortening, etc., by themselves none of them overly appetizing, but combined the right way, baked ambrosia-even if I do say so myself!LOL

However, the most amazing alchemy that I, or anyone else, can perform is on ourselves.  In less than 4 years I have gone from a drunk that didn't even get out of bed most days, to a gainfully employed, bill paying, blogging, now book-reviewing person.  ( I just received a copy of  "Druidry and Meditation" by Nimue Brown to review-it'll be my first review that someone actually gave me a book to review-I'm just so excited!)

Many people practice alchemy on themselves by exercising to change their bodies, eating right to improve their health, taking medications to vanquish diseases weakening their bodies, even meditating to improve their mental and emotional well being.

As witches, we go one step further. We work on establishing not just a connection to, but a strong relationship with the Divine so that we may become more Divine ourselves everyday.  We meditate, we invoke and evoke and practice ritual and connect with nature all to make ourselves better witches, and more importantly, better people.

This is truly alchemy at its best-changing ourselves from mundane creatures just going through life to beings at peace with and in tune with ourselves, nature and the Divine.  Beings who don't just accept life, but mold it to what we want it to be!

Blessed Be!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Sobriety and Spells

So tempting isn't it?? We're witches, we can just cast a spell and make ourselves all better!! Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way.  I know.  I tried.

I think of it this way, when you are doing a spell that you need to be very powerful you do everything you can to increase the energy in the spell: herbs, crystals, colors, moon cycle correspondence, calling the proper deities, invoking the proper elements, everything!! Solitary practitioners may even call on a few fellow witches to help raise the energy needed for the spell.

We have to think of sobriety the same way.  For a strong spell we need to use everything we can to make it work.  We have to do the same thing for our sobriety, we have to use every tool available to us that we are comfortable with, and some we are not so familiar with.

A huge part of sobriety is talking to other sober people.  This does not have to be AA, NA, or even Save Our Sobriety.  It can be just talking to other sober people that you know on a regular basis and opening up to them about things that are bothering you.  You don't have to wait til you feel like using, you can just talk to them about the good and bad things that happened in your day or week.  If you do this regularly, you will find the need to use diminishing almost instantly and returning less and less often.

If you have trust issues, which so many of us do, open up about different things to different people,  You don't have to tell one person all your stuff, you can tell a little bit of it to several people. Whatever works for you.  Again, just like spellcasting and pagan beliefs-whatever works for you is fine!!

Because if you really think about it, what you are doing when you become sober is magick!!  You are changing your basic self, and making it into something you want it to be.  That's what magick is, changing things to the way we want them to be. 

The nice thing about the magick of becoming sober is you're not trying to change anything or anyone except yourself, you don't have to worry about if your spell is affecting someone else's free will or destiny.  You are changing your own and that is ALWAYS ours to change. 

Yes, changing ourselves does affect those around us, but that is also their destiny; to be exposed to the changes in us and to respond to them as they will.  Some people will see us improving ourselves and become motivated to improve themselves.  Others will see our change as a threat to them and move away from us.  Unfortunately, these people are not ready to change yet. We can't worry about that, that is their destiny, their path, NOT ours!!

All that we need to do as sober pagans, is honor our sobriety and the changes in us as much as we honor our deities.

Blessed Be!