Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Anniversaries, Sobiety, & Spells

I have never been a big fan of celebrating my sobriety anniversary.  For a lot of years it was an excuse to drink-“Well, I’ve been sober this long I deserve one”!!

So, I’ve just been keeping my anniversary date in the back of my mind and if it crossed my consciousness I would look at where I was before I got sober and where I am now.   That, for me, is a lot more motivating than just having x amount of time sober.

This year, however, my anniversary seems to have set off some serious depression in me.  I just have had no motivation for the last couple of weeks.  I have made it to my full time job and that’s about it-no blogging, no working the psychic line, no much of anything else.

I guess, looking at it, there are probably several reasons for this.  My oldest cat Silva, is old (18 years) and probably not going to be around much longer, its been 8 years since my father passed (the date of his passing is very close to my anniversary), its been about 7 years since I had any contact with my family (my doing, not theirs), and I, again, am not that fond of celebrating my anniversary anyway.

Naturally, the longer I feel this way the harder it is to dig my way out of it.  I’m behind on blogs, behind on money, had to postpone starting my Mixed Martial Arts class because I couldn’t motivate myself to go, and we won’t even mention the amount of cleaning that needs doing. LOL

Scarily enough, as I see these things get more behind, and realize it’s only my own lack of motivation that is causing this, I feel eerily like I did when I drank. Like my life is totally out of control and that even though I know what I need to do to fix it, I find myself incapable of doing that, of just doing what needs to be done.

This is one of those times when I cast a spell to help with my sobriety.  I know from sad experience that spells alone will not keep me sober, but I also know from happy experience that they can help me through the rough spots.

I did a spell to banish my lethargy and depression last week, and since then I have put in some hours on the psychic line, done quite a bit of cleaning (still a lot to go-sadness), and now I’m back to blogging.

I personally find spells and magick to be one of the most important tools I can use to help me stay sober.  For me personally, talking to someone about anything like this feels like I’m whining and then I just feel worse about myself.  Many times talking to someone helps me feel better, but when it comes to my depression, talking about it just makes me feel worse.

So, when necessary, I’ll use a little magick to banish the blues and keep me going in the right direction. And that's all I'm really trying for right now; is to keep going, no matter how slowly, in the right direction.

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