Sunday, February 26, 2012

D is for Dreaming Pagan Blog Project

I admit, I am one of those witches who always forgets to write in my dream journal while the dreams are fresh in my mind.  I get so caught up in what I'm doing that I forget to note it all down until later.  But, I'm trying to get better.

I actually lately have been attempting some real work with dreams lately.  I've been trying, with various degrees of success, to find solutions to problems, to foster a stronger connection with my spirit guides, to contact some deeply missed family members from beyond the veil, and to do some dream banishing work.

The problem solving seems to be working.  I try to fall asleep while imagining perfect solutions to whatever problem I'm working on at the time.  The next day, I never remember dreaming about the problem but a workable solution usually comes to me.  So, either I solved the problem in my dream and my subconscious remembered or my guides give me a solution during the day.  Either way, I'm given a workable solution to almost any problem within a day or two.

The stronger connection with my guides, also working, though not the way I would like.  Gee, how is it that my spirit guides are not doing things my way?? LOL  My connection with them is steadily growing stronger but I still don't have any real knowledge of them and of the kind of energy they represent.  I'm receiving their messages more and more clearly, but I would love to just know more about them.  Oh, well, I"m sure that will happen when they feel I am ready.

Contacting family members, I haven't had any success yet.  I still know that they are near me, I still feel them, I just can't yet communicate with them.  Again, I am sure that I will be able to when it is meant to happen.

The dream banishing work, now that I've been impressed with.  I've only been trying to banish small things about myself that I know I need to change.  One example is I have a bad habit of setting the alarm so I get up in time to do some housework before going to work.  The alarm goes off and I get up and reset it for the last possible minute.

What I did for several days (I work mainly overnites and sleep afternoons) was I went to sleep and as I was going under I imagined myself jumping up at the alarm and actually doing my housework, paperwork, whatever I wanted to get done that evening.  Within the first 2 days, I found myself, getting up,resetting the alarm, laying back down and being overwhelmed with restlessness.  I wasn't able to go back to sleep, I had to get up.

Since I was up, I just went ahead and did the chores I wanted to get done.  Within a week, there is no longer any real desire to reset the alarm most of the time.   Sometimes I do still feel an overwhelming need to but those are usually days I am very exhausted, so I just go back to bed and get the extra sleep.  My job schedule is mainly overnites but on weekends, I work in the afternoon one day and early evening one day so I get very little if any sleep those days.  Usually it is Monday or Tuesday when I find myself truly needing the extra sleep, so it all makes sense.

Currently, I'm hoping to use dreamwork to motivate myself to exercise regularly.  I would love to get into a daily routine of weights, Pilates, Yoga, and Tai Chi.  Doing a varied combination of these each day is my goal and this weeks dreamwork project.

I'm hoping if I continue to achieve success with small things in my dreamwork for myself, that I will eventually be able to use it to expand my spiritual growth in ways I haven't thought of yet.

Blessed Be!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Taking Care of Our Health

Monday I wrote about how we need to have time for ourselves, today I want to write about taking care of ourselves.

When you spend years abusing substances, you do a lot of damage to your body.  I gave myself chronic pancreatitis.  Now, I haven't had an attack since I became sober, but I still have major stomach issues.  Every time my sleep schedule is thrown off, which is a weekly event with my job schedule, I will be sick to my stomach for at least 2-3 days.

Because I've always had a stomach that acted out when I was stressed my normal instinct is to just ignore this.  But, I'm older now, and I have all the damage done by the years of drinking.  Ignoring what ails me is not really an option anymore.  I have tried ignoring it, it does not go away. The 2-3 days becomes all week and ends up with me in bed unless I am on regular meds from my doctor.

I also need to see him regularly for other issues, at 47 I already have osteoporosis, something I probably wouldn't have yet if it hadn't been for the drinking.  There is also a heavy family history of heart trouble, now all of my heart tests and stress tests come back A+, but the family history is there, and my years of drinking are there, so that also has to be monitored regularly.

On a day to day basis I generally feel pretty good, even on my bad tummy days; I'm used to my stomach rebelling regularly so unless its really bad, I just motor my through my stomach upsets.  I want to enjoy my life now that I'm sober and I actually live it.

The only way to make sure I have enough life left to enjoy is to see the doctor regularly, something against my nature.  Of course, I try to look at it this way, for a lot of years it was against my nature to stay sober.  Going against my nature is not always such a bad idea, obviously!

I know a lot of people in recovery run for the doctor for every little ache and pain; that will probably be the subject of another post.  But a lot of people are like me-we just don't want to go to the doctor until we are dying.  Even in my drinking days, with an attack of pancreatitis I would never go for help until it was so bad that I would need to be hospitalized for several days.  Since I didn't have any insurance, you can imagine how sick I must have been to be admitted for that long.

Today, I can't afford to do that.  I have a lot of things I want to do, a lot of time to make up for.  I can never get back the years that I lost to drinking, but if I take the time today to take care of myself physically then I will have a lot more years to enjoy and to do what I want.

Ignoring my health today is just another way of opening the door for my addiction to come back.  If I don't feel well, if my mental defenses are down because I'm physically not at my best, then its easier for my thinking to become clouded and my judgment to lapse.

This is something I will not allow to happen, so I go to the doctor every 3 months, I take my daily tummy pill, my baby aspirin, all my other medically necessary pills.  And whenever I think about what a pain it is to remember to take them,and to time them with meals and erratic sleeping schedules and everything else then I just think of all the things I want to do, and I know that the pills and the doctor visits are a necessary evil.

As I learn more about natural healing and holistic methods I will hopefully come to rely on my doctor for less pills and just visit him to keep tabs on my conditions.  But I am still very new to learning about those methods-I'll keep you posted!

Blessed Be!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

B is for Body-Pagan Blog Project

I know I still have an A blog to catch up on, but I was inspired to skip ahead and do the B blog first.  

I know many witches, occasionally including myself, tend to minimize how important our bodies themselves are in spell casting, in worship, in everything.   We tend to put taking care of ourselves on the back burner to jobs, relationships, kids, Facebook, YouTube, you name it- we put ourselves on hold to deal with it.

Truly, our bodies are not just our temple, but all that we need to honor our deities and guides, to cast spells,  in fact, to do almost anything. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in making sure we are using the right herbs and colors, and having the right planetary correspondences, and that our ritual is planned just right and ncludes everything, that we forget-we're witches and the power is WITHIN us.

Lets be honest, we can use the best of everything, with the best of correspondences and timing but if our body is out of whack at the time, so will our spell work be out of whack.

I have cast my most powerful circles using just my hands, no athame, no candles, no anything extra, just ME!  I have also had some of my best results from spells that I cast when I was alone with me and nothing else.

Now I am certainly not saying that using any and all tools available to us is not a good idea.  Absolutely use correspondences, but first, make sure your body is strong and healthy.  When we take care of ourselves physically-exercise, eating right, enough sleep, then not only are we physically stronger, but we become mentally and emotionally stronger.

And lets be honest, that is where the real strength of our spells lie, within us.  Using correspondences can strengthen what we have, sometimes incredibly so, but if we are starting from a weak base (body or mind) we can never really cast a strong spell.

This also applies when trying to communicate with our deities and guides just not as much.  A weakened body will make it harder for us to connect with them, but when our deities and guides want to connect with us, they will make that connection as strong as it needs to be regardless of our current connection.

But wouldn't it be nice to know that we were doing our share to make that communication happen clearly and easily?   To be in good health so we can communicate better and more fully with our deities and guides? 

This is why taking care of our bodies should be our first priority, not only because it will make us feel better, but because it is one of the most basic ways to honor and show respect for the Divine and all that represents. \

Blessed Be!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

D for Divination-Pagan Blog Project

Since I currently work as a psychic, and am trying to build my business this seemed like a no-brainer, which is actually why I didn't write the post sooner.  I don't usually like to do things the easy way, I'd rather write about something I'm learning more about-dream magick for example.  (Yes, that will be the next D post)

However, then I realized that I actually am learning more divination and becoming much stronger at it as time goes on.  This shouldn't surprise me, it happened several years ago, when I was also working as a psychic. 

This time around though I'm learning more divination methods than just tarot, what I've always used.  I have found myself becoming much more clairsentient as my guides just let me know things during  a reading.  The spreads are now much more of a gateway for me, than they are something that I actually interpret card by card.

I've also started working with a pendulum and am having incredible results.  I much prefer using the pendulum when I am trying to use divination for myself because I've noticed the cards usually show what I want the outcome to be instead of what the outcome actually will be.    This doesn't happen with the pendulum.  I've received incredibly accurate results with my pendulum,and can't wait to work more with the energies and guides that are connected with it.

I am also beginning to work with runes and to study astrology.  I am hoping that the runes as I become more familiar with them will provide a gateway to different energies and guides that I can work with.

The best part of becoming more familiar with my guides through divination is that it has made it so much easier for me to recognize when my guides are telling me something all throughout my life, not just when I'm working.  As a recovering alcoholic I always have to be at least a little cautious about which instincts I listen to.  

Working so much with divination has made it much easier for me to know when its my guides pointing me in a certain direction, and when its my disease. This is definitely a good thing, not just for maintaining my sobriety but also for my own spiritual development. 

I am really looking forward to having my relationship with my guides and my abilities grow.  I know that with my inner strength and the support of my guides, and my force of will, there is no limit to what I will be able to do in time.  I've already remade myself and conquered my addiction, that's proof  right there that anything is possible!!

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Inspired By The Woods

I just want to let everyone know abut a weekend in May that I'm really looking forward to.  It's called "Inspired By The Woods" A Holistic Weekend, and it is a fundraiser held by Pure Path Products and Services .  The proceeds are going toward their dream of opening a Holistic Healing Center for survivors of abuse and trauma in both Rochester, NY and Comstock, FL.  The weekend is from 10am Friday May 11th until 2pm Sunday May 13th.

This is basically a back-to-nature weekend with classes being held in Ancient Chinese Medicine, Belly Dancing, Yoga, Meditation, Kick Boxing, Art, and seminars will be held on Addictive Behavior and Trauma.  Many of these classes are being held more than once, so that you don't have to miss anything you want to participate in.  Of course, you don't have to do anything except relax, enjoy nature and enjoy yourself.

Children are welcome and there will be children's activities including hiking, rock painting and art while the classes and seminars are being held for adults. There will also be vendors selling various products and services including readings and healings. You are welcome to come for the whole weekend or any part of it.  There is still space for vendors, if you are interested please let us know.

The cost for the weekend is $160/adult $80/children under 13 for the entire weekend.  There is a 10% discount if you sign up before February 28th.   Partial rates are Friday $55, Saturday $70 and Sunday $40.  The weekend accommodations are in cabins, there are 3 family cabins, 2 male and 2 female cabins, and 1 couples cabin.  You do need to bring your own bedding.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are provided.   We are asking  that those able and willing bring some food to help defray the costs of dinner. Recommendations are pasta, rice, bread, gluten free items, and vegetables.

I am unfortunately not tech savvy enough to have been able to include the registration form on this blog.  I apologize, I just can't figure out how to do it.  The link to Pure Path, the event's sponsors is,  you can also find this event on Facebook as Inspired By The Woods or join Pure Path on Facebook.   For a registration form you can also email Kenneth Cuyler, President of Pure Path, at

If you have any other questions and don't find answers on the web or Facebook sites please email me at  or leave me a message here.   I, or someone from Pure Path,  will get back to you within 48 hours with an answer.

Blessed Be!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Time For Ourselves

This is something that so many people overlook and people in recovery may be even more likely to put this on the back burner because they are so busy trying to make up for all the time we've lost!

It is however, absolutely essential to not just our physical, mental, and emotional well-being, but also to our sobriety.  Many times those of us in recovery have a hard time with this because our "me time" used to be getting drunk or high.

There are just so many ways to have some "me time": soak in a hot bath with bubbles or bath oils, sleep late, play with your pets or children, watch your guilty pleasures on TV, whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't involve using!!
I know I frequently get so caught up in trying to do everything: work a full-time job, build my psychic business, write this blog, keep my apartment relatively clean and spend time with my deities and practicing my faith that I tend to put myself off til last.
Goddess usually reminds me when I've been doing too much of this, because she'll knock me right onto my pagan butt.  I have always had stomach issues when I've been stressed, these were of course exacerbated by 20+ years of drinking into full-blown pancreatitis; so, when Goddess wants me to chill, she usually makes it impossible for me to do anything else!!!

I have to say that when I do take my down time, especially before it is pushed onto me, I am much stronger personally.  I am better able to handle any curve balls that life throws at me,  I don't overreact if someone asks me to do something differently, I accept constructive criticism in the spirit in which it was intended, I even do my daily workouts with pleasure.

But one of the best benefits for me, personally, of down time, is that I know that when my batteries are recharged and I am feeling stronger in all ways, I am much less likely to get sucked into the thinking that makes me consider drinking.  I don't get angry as quickly and I definitely have more patience. 

As my full-time job involves dealing with the general public having more patience is a very good thing.  And, of course, a good mental attitude is essential to long-term sobriety.  Some people can maintain their sobriety while being miserable but for the vast majority of us, we want to enjoy life while we're sober and we can do that better if we just take time to enjoy time with ourselves./

Blessed Be!

Friday, February 17, 2012


Intolerance is usually a much bigger problem with those that are new to sobriety.  As we get time under our belts we begin to understand more and more that very little of the world is about us and to live and let live.

I  have heard so many times that alcohol should be outlawed because of the damage it does to people.  What so many people new to sobriety forget when they express this sentiment is that we are the minority!
Most people CAN handle their liquor, WE can't.  Just because we have a problem with something doesn't give us the right to say no one should be able to use that substance.

This same sentiment carries into staying sober for many people.  I hear so many people new to sobriety put down others who do things differently.  "S/He'll never stay sober if s/he doesn't go to church, believe in God, leave his/her still drinking partner" and any of a million other things. 

The problem with this thinking, is that sobriety is an individual road, we all have our own path, as in life.  No one of us can speak for what will and what will not work for anyone except ourselves.  Even the generally accepted norms have their exceptions.  Most people in recovery will tell you that they couldn't be around booze all the time, but there are some people with many years of sobriety who tend bar for a living. 

Likewise, most people believe in a higher spiritual  power and rely on the support of that power to stay sober.  But, there are many atheists that stay sober, they simply use something not spiritual as a higher power. 

The beautiful thing about sobriety is that it is everyone's individual road, and that is something we must ALWAYS remember.  What works to keep you sober will not work to keep me sober and vice versa.

This can be, however, a two-edged sword.  Its very easy to look at one of the exceptions to the rule, for example, the sober person tending bar and say "I can do that."   Unless you are one of the very few, no, you really can't.

One thing I have found to be more and more true as I gain time in my sobriety is that those with the most time let others work their own program without criticism, without interference and with love. 

And remember that what is working today will change as time goes on.  In a few weeks, months, years you may have a hard time believing that certain things ever worked for you because you have reached a point where those same things would now be a hindrance rather than a help.

That's okay, its where your road took you and is taking you still.  Just remember that's YOUR road.  My road and everyone else's may be similar to yours at times, or never, or may be the opposite of yours at times.  All we need expect  from each other is support and a helping hand when it is asked for.

All that any of us can do to help ourselves and to help others in sobriety is to share what works for us, to hear what does and doesn't work for others and to take from all of that anything that will help us in our journey down the road to sobriety

Blessed Be!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Alchemy-Pagan Blog Project

Since I joined the Pagan Blog Project midway through letter B I am trying to do the posts that I have missed as time permits.  So, today, I will post my first A blog-Alchemy.   I am hoping to be all caught up by the end of February.

Alchemy is defined by in part as "any magical power or process of transmuting a common substance, usually of little value, into a substance of great value."

Being a little liberal with that definition, (I'm a little liberal with most things actually),  I think of alchemy as the changing of mundane things into useful, beautiful, and/or valuable objects.

Personally, I practice alchemy all the time with my crafting.  My crocheting turns yarn into afghans, stuffed animals, tote bags, even clothing such as scarves and sweaters.  I also do candle-making which turns large chunks of wax into beautiful, sometimes even decorative candles.

And then there is cooking, most especially baking,   Plain flour, sugar, eggs, shortening, etc., by themselves none of them overly appetizing, but combined the right way, baked ambrosia-even if I do say so myself!LOL

However, the most amazing alchemy that I, or anyone else, can perform is on ourselves.  In less than 4 years I have gone from a drunk that didn't even get out of bed most days, to a gainfully employed, bill paying, blogging, now book-reviewing person.  ( I just received a copy of  "Druidry and Meditation" by Nimue Brown to review-it'll be my first review that someone actually gave me a book to review-I'm just so excited!)

Many people practice alchemy on themselves by exercising to change their bodies, eating right to improve their health, taking medications to vanquish diseases weakening their bodies, even meditating to improve their mental and emotional well being.

As witches, we go one step further. We work on establishing not just a connection to, but a strong relationship with the Divine so that we may become more Divine ourselves everyday.  We meditate, we invoke and evoke and practice ritual and connect with nature all to make ourselves better witches, and more importantly, better people.

This is truly alchemy at its best-changing ourselves from mundane creatures just going through life to beings at peace with and in tune with ourselves, nature and the Divine.  Beings who don't just accept life, but mold it to what we want it to be!

Blessed Be!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Sobriety and Spells

So tempting isn't it?? We're witches, we can just cast a spell and make ourselves all better!! Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way.  I know.  I tried.

I think of it this way, when you are doing a spell that you need to be very powerful you do everything you can to increase the energy in the spell: herbs, crystals, colors, moon cycle correspondence, calling the proper deities, invoking the proper elements, everything!! Solitary practitioners may even call on a few fellow witches to help raise the energy needed for the spell.

We have to think of sobriety the same way.  For a strong spell we need to use everything we can to make it work.  We have to do the same thing for our sobriety, we have to use every tool available to us that we are comfortable with, and some we are not so familiar with.

A huge part of sobriety is talking to other sober people.  This does not have to be AA, NA, or even Save Our Sobriety.  It can be just talking to other sober people that you know on a regular basis and opening up to them about things that are bothering you.  You don't have to wait til you feel like using, you can just talk to them about the good and bad things that happened in your day or week.  If you do this regularly, you will find the need to use diminishing almost instantly and returning less and less often.

If you have trust issues, which so many of us do, open up about different things to different people,  You don't have to tell one person all your stuff, you can tell a little bit of it to several people. Whatever works for you.  Again, just like spellcasting and pagan beliefs-whatever works for you is fine!!

Because if you really think about it, what you are doing when you become sober is magick!!  You are changing your basic self, and making it into something you want it to be.  That's what magick is, changing things to the way we want them to be. 

The nice thing about the magick of becoming sober is you're not trying to change anything or anyone except yourself, you don't have to worry about if your spell is affecting someone else's free will or destiny.  You are changing your own and that is ALWAYS ours to change. 

Yes, changing ourselves does affect those around us, but that is also their destiny; to be exposed to the changes in us and to respond to them as they will.  Some people will see us improving ourselves and become motivated to improve themselves.  Others will see our change as a threat to them and move away from us.  Unfortunately, these people are not ready to change yet. We can't worry about that, that is their destiny, their path, NOT ours!!

All that we need to do as sober pagans, is honor our sobriety and the changes in us as much as we honor our deities.

Blessed Be!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Creativity-Pagan Blog Project

Creativity for me, is one of the best things about being a witch.  I get to create my own rituals and adapt them for the time of year, my mood, my desires, my needs!!

There are so many ways to be creative in ritual and spellcasting.  Writing our own rituals, our own spells.  Making our own altar decorations, our own altars for that matter. 

Personally, I love to crochet so I have crocheted the bags that hold my runes, and each of my tarot decks.  I know that Spirit knows these bags were made with love and the best of intent so it doesn't matter that they are not of the traditional materials for storing scrying objects. 

Likewise, I make my own candles.  Sometimes I add scents or herbs, even on occasion a crystal chip or two.  These candles make my rituals all the more meaningful, even if sometimes my candles seem to burn at 10x the normal rate.  Its all good, Spirit and I can laugh at it because we know it was my best effort. 

I also am looking forward to moving so I can better decorate my space for each esbat, sabbat and I'm thinking even moon cycle.  I know in my heart its time for me to start dong a lot more nocturnal and lunar workings.  Its where I'm being guided and I am full of new ideas for this branch of my path.

I'm truly looking  forward to having a front door big enough to decorate with a wreath of pine cones that I can then wrap with ribbon and decorations appropriate to each esbat, sabbat and full moon.  

Eventually, I would like to make my own set of runes, but that's probably a few years off.  For right now, decorating my apartment, crocheting blankets to match my rituals and leaving them out, even making window decorations to match my rituals will keep me plenty busy.

And of course once I move and have some room, there will be space to have my own herb garden and to make many shaped and molded candles for different rituals.  The possibilities are truly endless!!

Blessed Be!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Blah-Blah-Blah of Daily Sober Life

I want to apologize for the lateness of this post.  I thought I had set the auto post to publish at 2am on Friday 2/10/12.  Apparently not, because when I checked just now, it hadn't yet posted.  Oh, well, next time I will do better and check sooner.  Again, my apologies.

Sometimes this is the most rewarding part of being sober.  Getting up every day, knowing what we've done for the last day, week, month,  whatever length of time, and knowing that we are doing everything we're supposed to be doing.

We actually get up, shower, get dressed, go to work, school, program, whatever we do with our day.  We also handle the everyday things in life, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and so on.  For a lot of us, there was a time when very little, if any, of this stuff got done on a weekly, much less a daily basis.

Sometimes, despite all this, we feel that there is something missing, or that we've done something wrong.  I know personally, I get an attack of the guilts at least twice a month. And this is not guilt for something I've done or haven't done.  This is just out-of-nowhere, totally blindsiding me guilt!!

Unfortunately, this is also sometimes part of daily sober life. When I have these feelings I just look back over the last few days and ask myself have I done everything I'm supposed to do?  Was I where I should have been on time and did I do my best at whatever I tried?  If I can honestly answer yes to those questions then I'm halfway to knowing that the guilt is just my disease playing mind games.

Getting the rest of the way to knowing the guilt comes from my disease and not my conscience is a little bit harder.  I have to go over my last few days and make sure that I've treated people right.  Have I done my best to be tolerant and understanding even when I've been annoyed.?  If I can honestly answer that question yes, or if I've apologized to someone I treated unfairly because I was in a mood, then I know the guilts are just a symptom of my disease.

Unfortunately, the guilts and similar bad feelings are part of the lifelong battle of addiction.  It really doesn't matter how long we've been sober, there is something inside of us that would love to see us self-destruct and die.  We know this, and we battle it, that's how we got sober in the first place!!

But our disease is not one to give up easily, or actually, to give up ever!! We must constantly question any self-doubt that comes our way, no matter its form.  The trick is questioning it honestly.  If we are having bad feelings that are justified-that we have done something to earn-then it is time to slow down and focus on our recovery again, and maybe let a little of the day-to-day blah blah stuff slide.

By focusing on our recovery we also focus on bettering ourselves and living up to our full potential, because really that's what recovery is on its most basic level-being the best person that we can be!  If we are truly trying our best, then we can more easily recognize and repel any attacks our disease makes on us.

One of the best weapons in our arsenal, sorry I just prefer to think of it as a battle, for those of you who like the more traditional terms one of the best tools in our toolbox is other sober people.  That will be the subject of Monday's post, the many many ways to have sober support, including from people who are not in recovery.!!

Blessed Be Everyone!  Have a great weekend!

Monday, February 6, 2012


I really find that gratitude is one of the things that I have to remember to find time for.  Not that I'm not grateful, just that, like so many people, I'm so focused on what I have to do and where I want to be in life that I forget to take the time to appreciate what I have.

I remember in early sobriety being grateful is not always easy.  Many of us have lost jobs, family contact, relationships, property, sometimes we don't even have a place to live.  There can be times that even being alive seems like more of a burden than a blessing.

You don't have to be grateful for everything, especially at first.  Try just being grateful for how pretty the moon, the sunrise, the sunset looks.  Be grateful that you can walk, or see, if you are able to do those things. 

Eventually, as we get some sober time under our belts, it becomes easier to be grateful, we have some things back, perhaps a job, a new chance at a relationship, better relations with our family. 

And then we are back to living life all the time, and not so focused all the time on recovery.  This is when it becomes easy to not be grateful.  To get caught up in the day to day of living and wanting; the better job, the newer car, the bigger TV.  Now I'm as guilty as anyone of this. 

Fortunately, my Spirit Guides know that I easily get caught up in day to day living and they frequently send me reminders.  I don't drive so I walk a little over a mile to get to work 3 nights a week. Almost every nite the moon is out in all her glory.  Even when she isn't out, she is there, lighting up unique and beautiful patterns in the clouds!!

Seeing the moon as I'm walking to work, reminds me how lucky I am to have a great job, hell in this economy, any job is reason to be grateful.  It also reminds me I can walk, I can see, I can do anything!! All reasons to be grateful.

And there are more reasons when I get home.  My two cats, Googles and Silva, greet me at the door happy to see me.  I have two little creatures that depend on me, that I am now able to take very good care of, since I'm sober, and that love me.  I also have a fairly decent apartment.  Its nothing great, in fact I am hoping to move in the next few months to something better, but its someplace warm and safe at night.  Someplace I can afford to stay, that gave me a place to live while I reached a point in my recovery where it is time to reach for something more. 

Most importantly I am grateful that I am sober and have the nearly 4 years under my belt that I do.  Being sober gave me all those other gifts that I have every day.  After all, if I'd kept drinking I"d be dead by now I'm sure, either from the alcohol or at my own hand.

 Instead, I have a life and both the ability and opportunity to continue bettering myself.  I will finish my accounting degree if not in the fall, then in the spring, I have this blog, and a small daily blog on where I just post a daily inspiration and my interpretation of it.  I am also building up a decent business doing my psychic readings.  And I am becoming closer to my Spirit Guide(s) and better at my craft on a daily basis.

Truly, I just need to take the time every day to remember all these blessings and to focus on them instead of any negatives that may have happened to me that day!!

Blessed Be!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Candle Meditation

For the first week of letter C I wanted to post about candle meditation.  This was actually the first meditation I was able to do successfully. 

I would try to meditate and, of course, millions of thoughts jumped through my scattered brain and the kitties would want to play.  After all Mom was just sitting there, she didn't have the tarot cards in the way, she wasn't typing on the computer, it must have been kittytime!!

Then I heard about candle meditation.  Just focusing on the flame of a candle.  This worked perfectly for me.  I had something I could focus on without thinking, and because there was some motion to it, the cats even seemed content to watch. 

After a couple of times of just watching the flame and relaxing I realized that my breathing automatically slowed and deepened while I was meditating.  I knew this was my guides telling me it was time to advance my meditations.  

So, I began focusing not just on the flame and the motion and colors of it but also on the heat it put out.  I would feel the heat enveloping me, just warmth and peace, never burning. 

Next, I began visualizing the color of the candle spreading forth as the candle melted, and enveloping me and my aura in whatever color I had chosen.  If I knew a particular chakra was just not working right, or was closed, I would burn a candle of the corresponding color.  If all of my chakras needed work, as happens sometimes, or if none of them did, as happens rarely!!lol, I would burn either a white or a black candle, depending on my mood. 

Very soon, I realized that just by taking a basic candle meditation and advancing it step by step I had not only become able to meditate, but I could meditate anywhere at any time.  This took a little bit longer to actualize. 

First I realized that I had gotten better at visualization, so I began to visualize a candle flame to meditate on,  even though I hadn't yet lit the candle.  Next, I began to visualize this when there was no candle in sight.  Finally,  I found I could visualize the lit candle anyplace I happened to be when I wanted to meditate: the bus, waiting at the doctor's office, in line at the store. 

Now I can meditate anywhere, and with the improved visualization I learned from candle meditation I can follow guided meditations and my magick has improved too!!

Sometimes it is the simplest things that lead us to the most growth!

Blessed Be!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Old Behaviors-Sometimes in New Guises

I know we are all told in recovery that we have to watch out for old behaviors-we all know the big ones, lying, evading, keeping things to ourselves.  But what about the everyday ones, the ones that we don't even notice we are doing?

For myself, part of this behavior comes from my depression.  I tend to withdraw, and I don't mean just to be quiet.  I mean not leaving my apartment or getting out of bed for days sometimes.  When drinking, I would only leave to get more booze, and then only if I couldn't get it delivered.  Hell, I used to order subs from one shop because I knew the driver and he'd bring me a bottle with my order!!

I still find myself doing this, wanting to just withdraw from the world.  There are still many days that I want to call in sick to work and just stay in bed, or not even call, to just pull the covers up over my head and disappear.   Fortunately, I am aware of the consequences of such actions and force my butt to get up and go to work daily.  I'm not so good about forcing myself to leave the apartment on my days off though. 

I also work a job from home and am really having to make an effort to get myself online to work more than sporadically.  So, I now email my customers a schedule of when I'll be available to force myself to get up and function. 

This same principle can apply to any behavior.  The person who drives through the old neighborhood where they used to score drugs on their way to/home from the store, work, wherever.  Especially when there are other routes that really are not that far out of the way. 

One of the ways I can tell I need to focus on my sobriety is if I find myself noticing the bars in the area.  I walk quite a bit, I don't drive, so I am always walking to run errands.  I also live in an urban area where there are a lot of bars. The days I find myself noticing them, or thinking it would be okay to stop in to get an order of potato skins, that I can get just as easily right down the street at a restaurant that is NOT a bar, are the days I know I need to spend some time working on myself.

I find it very easy sometimes to tell myself I am just being aware of my surroundings when I notice the new bars opening.  What a load of crap!  Its my disease trying to subtly  ease its way back into my life.  I can be aware of a business without having to stare into it or think about stopping in.  After all, I'm aware of the new smoke shops and pawn shops that open up but I never think of going in to check them out!!

None of us can stop our disease from trying to worm its way back into our lives, but by being aware of our actions, even if it means constantly asking ourselves why am I going this way? doing this thing? speaking to this person? we can prevent it from becoming a part of our lives again.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I've Been Tagged

See, this is the balance that comes into my life for being so happy to have found and online pagan community that accepted me instantly-I get tagged.  LOL  Its all good!

I was tagged by Tree Gold and Bee Gold.

Okay, if I understand this correctly, the first thing I must do is post the rules:

The Rules

  1. Post these rules.
  2. You must post 11 random thoughts about yourself.
  3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
  4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
  5. Go to their blog and tell them you have tagged them.
  6. No stuff in the tagging section about 'you are tagged if you are reading this.' blah, blah, blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 people

Now, 11 Random Thoughts About Myself

  1. I went to the NYS finals for spelling bee champion in the 6th grade.
  2. I miss my great grandmother almost every day.  She taught me to crochet when I was so young I don't remember learning, but I do remember making entire afghans at age 7.  She also gave me my love of baking.  Miss you Nana. 
  3. Despite what people told me for years, I really don't regret not having children, I'm just not cut out for that. 
  4. I am really making an effort to get the money together to move before I return to school in the summer. I want an apartment with 2 bedrooms so I don't have to have my office in my bedroom.
  5. I have repeatedly tried to get my Associates Degree in Accounting and have always ended up dropping out when my drinking got out of control  I'm really sure I'll be able to finish that degree by the end of the year.  (As long as the class I need fits into my schedule in the fall, that is.)
  6. I was a total brain in high school and hated every minute of it.
  7. I look back on many of the things I did when drinking and cringe; but I also thank Goddess for letting me live through them, because I really like the person I am today. 
  8. I live to sit home alone in the dark and watch scary movies, not gore or torture porn, but really scary ones. "Fallen" is a favorite.
  9. I love Mexican and Chinese food, as well as comfort foods like casseroles and meatloaf. 
  10. My man was over one night when "True Blood' came on and instead of rolling his eyes as I tried to explain who everyone was, he listened, watched and even asked about characters when they came on screen if he didn't know who they were.  Awesome or what? 
  11. I have fallen out of touch with my family due to my drinking but would love to reestablish those bonds.

From Tree Gold and Bee Gold
1. You have a 100% free day with no plans at all, what do you do?
 I would sleep late, rent some videos, and order lots of food in, then just veg out in front of the TV.   Of course I'd have to do some baking and some reading during the day too, and I can't help multitasking so I'd crochet as I watched the videos.

2.  Did you have a childhood pet?

Yes, we had a couple of different dogs as I was growing up.  But the one that captured my heart was a Pekingese named Fuji-Yama. He was the runt of the litter and very sick when he was a puppy so he was a pretty quiet little dog.  He was my best buddy at home.

3. If you could move anywhere ( and be sure of a job, etc) where would it be?

San Francisco, I don't really know why, I have just felt incredibly drawn to being there the past few years, and its not that far from LA which is a plus for a huge TV/movie fanatic like me.

4. Do you do any type of crafts?

Yes, I do-I crochet and I do candle making.  I haven't mastered knitting yet, but I can crochet almost anything, if you give me enough time to work out a pattern and to play at it if something doesn't work.

5.  What is one of your favorite holiday dishes to cook?

Christmas cookies!! I love to bake and actually any holiday is good for me to make dozens of cookies and many different types.

6.  What is your favorite shape?

Mine is a spiral; again I don't know why, I've just loved the way they look since I was a child.

7.  Morning person or not?

This is a little difficult.  I generally work overnights so my morning starts at about 7pm. I am definitely a night person, and I'm really very efficient when I first get up so I guess I'm a morning person, just my morning is everyone else's night!!!

8.  How do you take your coffee and/or tea?

I actually drink mainly Pepsi Max, and yes that includes first thing when I get up.  I do enjoy tea, usually with honey and lemon, though sometimes herbal teas I will drink without anything extra added.  Not a coffee fan at all, not even flavored, foamed, macchiatoed, whatever you do to them coffees. lol

9.  What is your preferred movie genre?

Definitely action, with suspense running a close second.  So not into the whole gore and/or torture porn things.  They're not scary, they're actually just kind of pathetic, though I do admire the Rube Goldberg ways of killing people in the Final Destination movies.

10.  Were you ever a "wild child"?

Not when I was an actual child, I was actually the geeky, brainy type.  I was much more of a wild child in my twenties when my drinking and partying days really started.

11.  How geeky are you on a scale of 1-10?

I would have to say I'm around a 7 on a general scale and maybe an 8.5 on movie and TV trivia.

The 11 Questions I'm Asking

  1. What is your favorite mindless entertainment?
  2. What has been your favorite age?
  3. Cat person or dog person? 
  4. What is your favorite holiday?
  5. What's your favorite time of day?
  6. And your favorite season?
  7. And lastly for favorites holiday?
  8. Where would you most like to visit?
  9. What was your best vacation?
  10. What would your perfect vacation be?
  11. What would your perfect day be like?

Who I'm Tagging 

1. Faeries Wheel
2. Dark Wiccan
3. Merlyn's Magick
4. Magick Diva
5. Mists of ManannĂ¡n
6.  Chaos Witch
7. The Pagan In Me
8. The Twisting Path
9. A Witch's Journey
10. A Witch's World of Wonder
11. The Life of An Imperfect Pagan

Of course anyone who doesn't want to participate or who has already been tagged, don't do it!! This is supposed to be fun, don't forget that!!