Flexibility

One thing I've gotten very good at in sobriety is rolling with the punches.  Very frequently, life does not go my way.  That's okay, it doesn't have to, and I really, really get that now!

Life not going my way was never really an excuse for me to drink.  I may have occasionally paid it lip service but most of the time I was honest enough about my drinking to know that it was because I'm a drunk and for no other reason that I drank.  I wanted to not exist, and if I drank enough I blacked out and/or passed out which was as close as I could get to not existing.

I have since realized though, that even though I knew it wasn't all about me when I was drinking, I didn't really get it.  I would say I understood, but inside, I was upset.  I knew in my head that when things didn't go my way, that was because sometimes things  happened or changed, but in my heart, it was because I didn't deserve things to go well.

If a doctor ran late for an appointment, though in my head I knew he probably was held up by an emergency with another patient, in my heart, it was because NOTHING ever went right for poor, poor little me.  If I couldn't find something I was looking for at the store, or if they had sold out, sure enough, it was because NOTHING ever went right for poor, poor little me.  You get the idea.

Now, I really did know in my head that none of it was about me, but in my heart, it was all poor, pitiful me, who nothing ever went right for.

These days, I am very happy to say that I am pretty much over that.  Now when someone is running late, when I can't find the color yarn I want at the store, when my relief is late for work, I just accept that sometimes these things happen.  And I'm not just accepting it in my head,  I am totally accepting it in my heart too.  It doesn't even cross my mind these days that its happening to poor, poor me.

Now don't get me wrong, I may still get flashes of irritation with some things, especially if it is a recurring issue.  But even then I try to understand the flip side.  If someone is always late relieving me at work, I'm not as upset if I know they are just always late and its not only when I work.

 One friend is always willing to help me out with rides but constantly changes things after committing.   I have come to accept that this is simply the way this person is, and I am grateful for the help that they can give me.
I have learned to always have back up plans with this person, so that if we can't run all the errands I had planned on, I can at least get the most necessary things done.

I realize that everyone has commitments and opportunities that come up and sometimes we all change plans to accommodate these things.  It is truly refreshing though to realize that even when things don't go my way, I'm still NO'T poor, poor little me.  I am a strong woman and a recovering alcoholic and I can handle a few bumps in the road of my life with scarcely a blink!

Blessed Be!