I want to apologize for the lateness of this post. I thought I had set the auto post to publish at 2am on Friday 2/10/12. Apparently not, because when I checked just now, it hadn't yet posted. Oh, well, next time I will do better and check sooner. Again, my apologies.
Sometimes this is the most rewarding part of being sober. Getting up every day, knowing what we've done for the last day, week, month, whatever length of time, and knowing that we are doing everything we're supposed to be doing.
We actually get up, shower, get dressed, go to work, school, program, whatever we do with our day. We also handle the everyday things in life, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and so on. For a lot of us, there was a time when very little, if any, of this stuff got done on a weekly, much less a daily basis.
Sometimes, despite all this, we feel that there is something missing, or that we've done something wrong. I know personally, I get an attack of the guilts at least twice a month. And this is not guilt for something I've done or haven't done. This is just out-of-nowhere, totally blindsiding me guilt!!
Unfortunately, this is also sometimes part of daily sober life. When I have these feelings I just look back over the last few days and ask myself have I done everything I'm supposed to do? Was I where I should have been on time and did I do my best at whatever I tried? If I can honestly answer yes to those questions then I'm halfway to knowing that the guilt is just my disease playing mind games.
Getting the rest of the way to knowing the guilt comes from my disease and not my conscience is a little bit harder. I have to go over my last few days and make sure that I've treated people right. Have I done my best to be tolerant and understanding even when I've been annoyed.? If I can honestly answer that question yes, or if I've apologized to someone I treated unfairly because I was in a mood, then I know the guilts are just a symptom of my disease.
Unfortunately, the guilts and similar bad feelings are part of the lifelong battle of addiction. It really doesn't matter how long we've been sober, there is something inside of us that would love to see us self-destruct and die. We know this, and we battle it, that's how we got sober in the first place!!
But our disease is not one to give up easily, or actually, to give up ever!! We must constantly question any self-doubt that comes our way, no matter its form. The trick is questioning it honestly. If we are having bad feelings that are justified-that we have done something to earn-then it is time to slow down and focus on our recovery again, and maybe let a little of the day-to-day blah blah stuff slide.
By focusing on our recovery we also focus on bettering ourselves and living up to our full potential, because really that's what recovery is on its most basic level-being the best person that we can be! If we are truly trying our best, then we can more easily recognize and repel any attacks our disease makes on us.
One of the best weapons in our arsenal, sorry I just prefer to think of it as a battle, for those of you who like the more traditional terms one of the best tools in our toolbox is other sober people. That will be the subject of Monday's post, the many many ways to have sober support, including from people who are not in recovery.!!
Blessed Be Everyone! Have a great weekend!
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